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Memory Lane

SPARE US THE GLITZ AND DIANA ROSS

Yippee! The World Cup is on it’s way and Matchday is getting ready to soak up the excitement of Honduras v Chile, Paraguay v New Zealand and South Korea v Greece.
And yet with every tournament, when the excitement is building and yet another ex-player says that this could just be England’s year, there’s one thing that always escapes our memories and pours cold water on the flames of anticipation. The opening ceremony. With every World Cup it grows into an orgy of out-doing the previous hosts’ efforts.
What, really, is the point? In ‘66 it was a few flags, a meaching band and the Queen giving us a speech. Then kick-off, that’s why people are there! To watch footy!!!!
So, for those of you with short memories this is what you can expect.
Dancers on stilts. Collapsing footballs. Zulus with spears. Doves of peace. Elaborate patterns created by kids with cards which will only be visible from a blimp. Blatter welcoming the ‘family of football’ to Africa. Lots of drumming. Transparent huge plastic orbs with rotating blokes in spandex leotards. A parade of the big cats. Can’t wait! teepee on Spike Island. These were the boys on the run from the fashion police. Hull City (home). Not content with being nicknamed the ‘Tigers’ they went on the pitch trying to look like them with, well, tiger stripes! Great for hopping in and out of bed for romping four year olds, not so good if your a footballer. Face painting set off the whole ensemble. Grrrh! Arsenal (away). Here’s Lee Dixon modelling the ‘your tv is currently tuning’ look, so beloved of Roadside maintenance engineers and Little Chef reception areas. The nineties, if you remember them you weren’t raving man!

February Memory Lane
Ask Riley

Dear Riley,

Winter Olympics. I’m excited, are you? Jackie, Norwich

RILEY SAYS:

TGot to say Jackie that excited isn’t the word. I’m over excited. Well over it. Biggest problem I’ve got with the Winter Olympics is the snow and the sports. It’s not a good mix. Look at that celebrity dancing on ice nonsense. Where’s the style, the elegance, the sliding tackles and the eye goughing? Watching the Skeleton? It ain’t a sport cos they can’t even come up with a decent name for it. And curling, I mean you’ve got all them cleaners out on the ice getting in the way trying to tidy up, it’s just a sham, Jackie, a big icey sham.

Dear Riley,

Where do you stand on women’s rugby

RILEY SAYS:

On the sidelines with a powerful pair of
binoculars! No seriously, if the ladies
like a ruck and tackling a couple of
hookers then I’m all for it. I don’t go
for all this ‘it ain’t ladylike’ and all
that. Take pole vaulting, I mean if they
can dance round one, what’s wrong with a bit of variety and having a jump?

Ring Leaders The Ocho

OBSCURE BUT LEGIT

Dodge Ball

Welcome to Shuttlecock Kicking.
Although its original name
of Jianzi sounds much more appealing.How to play? Grab yourself a badminton court, a net and crucially a shuttlecock and it’s a cross between foot volleyball and keepy uppy. The 2009 South East Asian Games featured the sport together with Sepak, Wushu, Finswimming and Karatedo. Who needs the Commonwealth Games?

Trivia TV
FOREIGNERS RUINING THE GAME?
Some folk like to think that the influx of foreign players is a curse on the game in England. Well when it comes to a ‘foreign’ invasion, there has been quite
a lot of waiting. In 1986 Liverpool took on and beat Everton without a single player qualified to play for England. For the record:- Grobbelaar, Lawrenson, Beglin, Nicol, Whelan, Hansen, Dalglish, Johnston, Rush, Molby and MacDonald gloat. United won 5-1 on 28th December
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